August 27, 2010

Anger,recaps,and more anger

My blog! it has been a long time since I've updated. I'll get back into the loop
But let me begin this off as, I'm angry and I'm just blogging because I need to get this anger/frustration/sadness out some way or another before I decide to explode.

I hate stupid bitch ass little liars. Especially when its from a BOY. wtf, What makes you think that you can just say one thing and then say something else. However you would like to say or put this, but YOU ARE A LIAR. You lied, and nothing you said will be put into consideration because "you care." Bull fucking shit you care, you would not tell me to stop doing bad things and then tell me you wanted to stop seeing me all together. You're taking the easy way out of this whole situation, don't lie and say that its hard for you, either way you have someone to go back to and have for you. In my eyes, it was a big deal for me to take you back, and especially when you HAD ANOTHER FUCKING GIRL right there in the process, but wanted to "see how things would end up in a month." YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING. You are a liar, a horrible person, and this is just bullshit that you did this. You aren't going to have enough balls to tell her all of this, but you're fine with this happening to me, which means in my eyes, YOU DID NOT CARE. You're fine with me walking away, AGAIN, and just going back. What the fuck ever. Bullshit bitches.

Back onto my recap, I took the summer off of school. Just work work work!
Lots of fun with my Irvine babies<3 So far we've seen the best, the worse, and about everything in between. But through it all, I know I will have people to fall back onto always.
Went to Audiotistic 2010 and EDC 2010<3 So much fucking fun
Can't wait for Nocturnal Festival!!! :D
And other than that, shit has been okay. Going to keep on going and keep my head up. Always.


April 5, 2010

Live your life like a rave machine

Just pictures of me,hoebag,and bear at Ferry Corsten
& the 2nd one is the main stage @ Beyond Wonderland
I cannot wait for ETD Pop & EDC now!
Maybe I'll do Hard LA just cause? Or 420 fest?
Hmmm so tempting. 
But I love it<3>


March 10, 2010


"My hair's a wreck, mascara runs
My feet get dirty and my skin burns in the sun
My lips they bleed, but I still sing my song
Takes me a minute to admit it when I'm wrong
Pretty is as pretty does but pretty is not my thing

This is what you get, this is who I am
Take me now or leave me anyway you can
Sometimes I trip and fall, but I know where I stand
&If you're thinking about changing my direction
Don't mess with imperfection

My back is weak, but my will is true
Got good intentions but I never follow through
I say too much, don't know when to leave
In case you're looking, that's my heart there on my sleeve
Ego trips and stupid slip-ups, I'm a mess but

This is what you get, this is who I am
Take me nor or leave me anyway you can
Sometimes I trip and fall, but I know where I stand
&If you're thinking about changing my direction
Don't mess with imperfection

Scratched and bruised, a little used, but baby I work fine
You might call me damaged goods, but I'm one of a kind

I'm really no longer afraid to walk away, you can keep your drugs, and I'll keep my strength. I finally see it clearly. I'm finally free. No more dwelling, no more tears, just happiness. And if you would like to get in my way of my happiness, then so be it, but I'll kick you out of my way and out of my life. 
Love the life you live, its a beautiful thing. Don't try to mess with other peoples lives. Just be happy with your own. 


February 22, 2010

When it was me

Ha, Nobody fights anymore. I need to quit kidding myself. Its FINISHED, he deserves better. He needs better. I deserve crap. I deserve an asshole who WILL treat me like shit. He deserves the perfect girl. Perfection is not me, I'm imperfect,flawed, and broken down. I'm imperfect in the fact that mentally, I'm confused and moody, my imperfect body, face, and everything about me. I'm flawed because I have imperfections all over my skin, no amount of make up will hide it. And I'm broken down because I'm torn down to my last string. So while Miss.Perfect comes and sweeps him up, I'm fucked in the fact that I'll be kissing frogs forever, there is no real nice guys anymore in America. Considerably, there are a few, but keep in mind most of them are taken or gay. Boys are a dime in a dozen. Everybody in my life keeps saying."OH better will come your way Amanda, just wait. He'll show up." BULLFCKINGSHIT. Its not going to happen. If you read this or stumble upon this, understand that I am not bitter, I'm bitter at myself, but not at anything else. His happiness should come before mine, and I deserve to be like this. He deserves that perfect girl, with the perfect smile, skin, hair, personality, and brains. I deserve the boy that is going to hurt me again. I deserve that asshole guy that you know is horrible. Nothing else.  So heartbreak, here we come, I'm coming at you in full drive, 90 mph, straight into you waiting for a head-on collision. We'll see who makes it out without stitches. 

February 1, 2010


this makes me so happy that I live in Southern California. oh my gosh...
I seriously fell out of my chair when I read the line up!

So many things are running through my mind! Life itself is a crazy little nutshell right now. But I'm loving every minute of it because of the craziness. Its fun and its all good. I'm sitting back and enjoying the ride.