November 8, 2009
The Heart of The Matter
Everything that we do is magical. We're all important and sometimes I forget that. Lately I haven't been doing too well. Like I'm grateful for my health and well being, but not for the inconspicuous drama in my life. And all of the heartache I've been getting. I know broken hearts mend over time, but I can't help but to wonder how long, and when will I be happy again? I've been having a hard time grasping onto that idea. The idea that once again I'm on my own, and alone. Vulnerable to the world, scared of what to do with myself, and not knowing what direction to take. It also doesn't help when I feel like nobody wants me around them. Especially at home for now. Its dark energy that I can't be around for now. Its too hard. But I won't go into deep detail about that.
Yes I did fuck up my relationship, and most of the blame can go onto me. But I will say that I loved him with my heart, and now since its over, its over and I can't fix it ever. I also hope that he can find someone better than myself, because I don't deserve a guy like him. I will be able to move on though and I'll be able to learn from this experience.